Sunday, March 29, 2015

Married At First Sight


I’ve been really inspired by a show (big surprise considering how much TV I watch). If you haven’t seen it, Married at First Sight is a show about strangers who don’t meet, see or know anything about each other until they are at the altar. Instead they are matched by a group of experts. Obviously these people are desperate. And optimistic. And hopeless romantics. And I love it all. I find the idea of going out on a limb and doing anything to find one’s match, swoon worthy. As humans what we want most is to make a connection with another person, give them our heart and trust. This of course can take forever to find, or we may never find it. Meanwhile, it has been incredibly heartwarming to see men and women on the show who long so much to find their partner they are willing to marry a stranger with the hope this person will turn into a helpmate. How can you not sigh at their romantic chutzpah?

In reality arranged marriages have always baffled me. Why in the world would anyone let their family pair them with someone they don’t know? And yet, the sort of arranged marriage on the show doesn’t seem so far-fetched. If I hadn’t met my honey I could totally see myself putting my love life in the hands of experts who are willing to find the best match for me (they say there is no such thing as a perfect match, and I tend to agree). I asked my honey if she were still single if would she go on the show, and she said she’d give it a shot. I guess that says something about our own compatibility. We’re both hopeless romantics. Or just crazy J

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Submissive Lives


I just recently read an article about submissive wives. Not wives who are submissives in bed, but instead wives who let their husbands take the lead in their marriage. The author allows her husband to have the final word in family discussions and she defers to his decisions. I’ll be honest, this sort of blows my mind. Full disclosure, I am not in a relationship with a man so I cannot fully understand what it is like to be married to one. Also, I’m a pretty accommodating person who hates to fight, so many times I wind up giving into my honey’s wishes. But with that said, the feminist in me truly resists the idea that one person in a relationship is always right simply because he has a penis. Perhaps I’m being a little na├»ve here but I think compromise is always best. If that won’t work, the final decision should be made by the smartest person in the relationship or the person who has the better grasp of the situation or the person who has the most at stake. But that’s just me.

The article’s author says that by being submissive in her marriage, it allows her to have a more satisfying sex life. She believes that by giving herself into her husband’s care she can trust him with anything, including her freaky sexy side (okay, those are my words). It is an interesting concept. I don’t know if I buy it, or if would work for everyone, but I am a firm believer in doing what makes you feel good. Marriage is tough, and if letting your husband decide what yall do with your income tax money makes you both happy in and out of bad, then I’m not mad at you. I’m just a little perplexed J

Sunday, March 15, 2015

BDSM Anyone?



I’m on a movie kick (see my last post), so Friday I picked up some movies from my local video store—yeah, where I live we still have those. As I was picking through the newer arrivals I noticed a DVD with a whip and handcuffs on it. It was definitely something that caught my eye. So here is another confession, I’m always intrigued by sex and sexuality. This really shouldn’t be any surprise since I write about love, sex and relationships, though I might have more curiosity than your average writer. I always have. As a child I had a knack for sneaking off with one of my dad’s books and finding the “dirty scenes” pretty quickly. What can I say, it was a gift.

The movie I found at the store was Kink. Though I knew nothing about it except that it was documentary that dealt with BDSM, I couldn’t help but snatch it off the shelf. Now, I’m not a novice to BDSM. Well, in practice I am, but I’ve read my share of BDSM romances. Heck, I probably have five of those romances on my Kindle right now waiting to be finished. But even with my knowledge, I’m always up for learning more about sex. Plus, I love learning about sub-cultures. It turns out the movie is about the BDSM website Kink.com (Can you believe I still haven’t run to the site to check it out? Now that’s some will power). It was extremely interesting to learn about this side of the porn industry while still learning about why people practice BDSM. Many of the models they hire are already involved in the scene or are interested in exploring the BDSM world. This makes for a more authentic experience for the customer, or so the website owner says. I find it fascinating that so many people are willing to share their sexuality on film for others to experience. Of course, there is such a thing as exhibitionism, so maybe I should do some research on that next J.

I don’t write BDSM, but that doesn’t mean I won’t in the future and there was some good insight in Kink about what turns people on and why. Caution though, it is pretty graphic at times, more graphic than I was expecting, but still very good. I’d definitely recommend the movie to anyone who has no knowledge of the lifestyle, because it is a pretty good primer. Or really to anyone who is just a little curious about this world. Check it out if you have the chance. If you dare J

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Belle


So yesterday I finally rented the movie Belle and it was much more than I was expecting. I had seen previews for it on other DVD’s I had rented and to be honest I didn’t really know what the movie was about. When I picked it up I knew it was about a biracial woman in 18th century England. That was enough for me to be intrigued.

What I learned is that Belle is based on a true story about Dido Elizabeth Belle, a woman born to Captain Sir John Lindsay and a former slave he had rescued. We don’t ever learn much about her mother, or even her father, except he wanted her raised with her aristocratic white family. How revolutionary! There were many levels to the movie and of course a romance. What I found most interesting was poor Dido’s position in the world. She was obviously much better off than most blacks at that time. She was raised a lady and even had her own fortune, and yet she lived on the edges of society, not fitting in anywhere. Even worse, her family did not want her to marry because they believed no one worthy of them would make an offer and they (and thus she) were too good for anyone who would want a black wife. Oy, quite the conundrum and truly quite sad.

But Dido does find not one but two suitors and even love while battling for the rights of blacks in England. To say that Belle is interesting is very simplistic. It has a little bit of something for everyone. You can find romance, lush costumes, social structures of 18th century England, and a court case concerning slaves I had never heard of before in Belle. But best of all, it had Dido, a woman ready to take on the injustices of her world. Pick it up some time, you won’t regret it.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

RIP Bertrice Small


My heart broke yesterday. I was visiting with a group of romance writer friends when someone informed me that Bertrice Small had passed away this week. I immediately went into denial. Bertrice couldn’t be dead, she was somewhere in an ivy covered tower, pounding away on a typewriter, producing another awesome bodice ripper (and I use that term lovingly). As a writer I know that vision is a little ridiculous (okay, a lot ridiculous) and yet it brings me joy to think of her that way.

Bertrice wrote great old school romance classics like Skye O’Malley, Adora, The Kadin and I loved her for it. I have so many great memories of curling up with one of her books and falling into another world. I learned so much from her, things my mother would have been appalled I knew about, like droit de seigneur, eunuchs, harem culture, the line of succession in the Ottoman Empire and so much more. Bertrice was an original and I already feel her absence from the world. Rest in peace Bertrice. May you forever be creating sexy romances for the angels—they need a little spice in their lives too J